Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Stockholm Swinger Game!

Ladies and Gentleman, the other day I had a revelation.  Although the dating/hooking up culture lifestyle is truly a game in itself; I have decided to make said game official.   This isn't my first game I have helped create.  About a year and a half ago, one of my best friends and I had a similar, but not as rewarding, game for road trips.  

Anyways, I was inspired the other week when I found out some of the female co-eds here where I am studying in Sweden created a point system for a night (or hell, it might still be going on) depending on who you hooked up with.  I thought it was absolutely amazing when I found out (also amazing to find out I was used a little; but we all know that only excites me).  I later learned the basic rules to the points system and was tossing it around in my head whilst on a little walk.

I was thinking of what a cool idea this was and going through the various ways they had set up to earn points.  However, this also got my pondering on variations.  In their game, the points basically are based on looks and/or if the person was in a relationship, etc.  But there's more challenges than that.  I mean, think of the different obstacles you could face in a normal night on the prowl?  I've gone through several scenarios in my mind on how to making this rating system and what not, and knowing me, I'll later think of some more to add, thus making the game more extravagant.  But as for now, let's get into... 

The Stockholm Swinger (a game not suitable for children.)

Basic Points:
1 point - hook up with a less-than-attractive person.
2 points - hook up with an average looking person.
3 points - hook up with a fairly attractive person.
4 points - hook up with a hot person.
5 points - hook up with someone who is so hot, this shouldn't have been possible.

Add-Ons: 
+2 points - go to second base.
+3 points - go to third base.
+5 points - if you make the sexin'.
+7 points - if some crazy sex stuff goes on (fetishes, filmed, anal, etc.)

+1 point - for any more than 3 people in one night.
+1 point - if you hooked up with best friends.
+2 points - if people you hooked up with are related.
+2 points - if you don't know their name/they don't know your name.
+3 points - if they don't speak your language.
+8 points - if you're a girl and you kiss another girl.
+10 points - if you're a guy and you kiss another guy.
(only +5 points - if you are bisexual, either gender.)
+7 points - if you hook up with someone of the opposite gender who is homosexual. (and vice versa)


Well that's all I have for now, please feel free to offer some suggestions, as I will be thinking of some on my own as well.
So go out there and get playing!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Kicked Out

So, I can say in all honestly, i have never been been kicked out of any bar, pub, or club in my life... 
...up until tonight.

The worst part is, i have no reason to have been evicted from the place I was at.  To prove my point; this is the first SSC entry I have done on the same night as the story goes.

So it was one of our exchange students here in Sweden friend's birthday.  Which to me means, celebrate not only at the party, but as we know at the "pre-pre-party".  So I showed up a bit "decent" to the b-day party.  This was about the time for us to ride our bikes across town to the pub/club we were going to visit.  I immediately get there and order a drink; since the bike ride had temporarily killed my buzz.  We all started dancing and having a wonderful time switching off between the dance floor downstairs and the traditional pub atmosphere of the upstairs area.  
At one point of me heading downstairs again to dance the night away I go to order a drink.  
Apparently, I was too drunk to do so, which is just straight fucked up since I can still write this entry hours later.
So in my head I firgure "fuck it; I'll go upstairs and get a cider."  
For those of you not in Europe; a cider at a bar is around 4.5% alcohol, so clearly it can't do that much damage to me.  So I figure "Why not go upstairs and fix my needs?"
Someone downstairs had apparently assumed I was "too drunk and needed to be cut off", so as I order this baby-ass cider; a guard walks up and tells the bartender that I am cut-off.  
To me this makes no sense.  I haven't caused any problems and am not nearly as drunk as I am the usual time I am (or my friends are) on a usual night this this place.  But as a non-confrontational individual; I agree to their decision and go downstairs to dance some more.

So I groove for a while and start to feel the need for another "kick" to assist me.
As soon as I walk to the bar, 2 giant men confront me and ask me to "follow them to the exist."
I realize I am being kicked out.  I have no clue why; but as a little guy; I'm not gonna cause any problems.  I pull out my coat-check number, receive my jacket and head towards my bike.

Now I will admit, I am pretty drunk (not kicked out of the venue drunk; but still fairly gone), so I call my friend to ask where we parked.  I soon find my bike, admit my defeat and start traveling home.  Half way through the ride, my bike starts acting funny.  The next thing I know; the chain completely screws up, falls off its router, and I'm stuck alone in the middle of god-knows-where.  I try to fix the chain a few times then call my friend (still enjoying himself back at the bar) trying to see if I can get a verbal instruction on fixing my bike.  Which, of course, doesn't happen.  So for the last half of the 3 miles home, I'm drunk-walking my bike home praying a cop doesn't see me wobble and put me in the drunk tank.  

Luckily, I made it home.  The shit that sucks is I'm here, only slightly under-the-influence, writing a story that may have been epic if I had ended up at the place of some female; but instead, it's just the upset drunk grumbling of a 21 year old in Sweden who isn't "Stockholm Swingers'"-ing it like he did back home.  

The point being; clearly, if I can write this entire story without effort (for the record, spell/gammer check was unneeded) and still get ousted before a noteworthy story can be written; there is a reason I was meant to live in Las Vegas.  Hopefully, I can fulfill my reputation as the "Stockholm Swinger" ASAP; otherwise; I'm straight up fucked.

Well I'm off to have a cigarette.  Hopefully you enjoyed my tale of fucking up.  I know I didn't; but that's half the point of this blog.  Right?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Sexpranks

A lot of people have funny stories when it comes to sex, mostly cause when two people get naked, there's already a good opportunity for some laughs (among other obvious things of course). However, the difference lays in that most people do something awkward, weird, or straight-up goofy; they keep it to themselves. On the other hand, I decide to post them up on the internet for people to read. Now the best thing to do afterwards is to take a situation and prank the shit out of a person.

Back in the summer, I had a lovely little debacle of an encounter which ended in extra hilarity. I was with this girl who I was spending a good deal of time with and we copulated a few times. One time, while we were at her house when her roommates were out of town, we got into the deed. She and I started watching movies on her roommate's bed and things started to heat up after a while. Now, I was being retarded by doing this, but she not being on birth control and me not having any condoms since I wasn't expecting to be banging in the middle of the day; we played the ol' method of "pull out". When I felt I was close, I realized I didn't have a predetermined place to deposit my mansauce and so I figured fuck it, I'll just cum on the bed and clean it afterwards. I let her know the time was upon us and did my shortly planned task. Apparently, this was a mistake. I finish and see a deer-in-the-headlights look in her eyes that leads to one of those awkward moments where both of you are trying to think of something appropriate thing to say and coming up with a response.

She half-stuttered out a single line; "Did you...did you just cum on my roommate's bed?!?" At this point, I realize I'm busted, so a simple sheepish "yes" seemed in order. She jumps up and starts freaking out. I'm hastily scrambling my words of justification faster than a greyhound chasing a rabbit: "I didn't think it was a problem-I can just clean it-I'm sorry-what was I supposed to do?-it all happened so fast-where was I supposed to?" etc. "Why wouldn't you just cum on me?!?!" was her response. "Because I didn't know if you were cool with that-and you didn't say to-I'm sorry" was my next word jumble. We end up deciding the best idea is to just quickly wash the sheets and get them back on the bed before her roommate got back (oh yeah, that was in a few hours). After our dilemma is solved and we were able to laugh at it, we carried on with our day.

Later on in the car ride, she turned to me and asked a question that's more to the point than any other question in the book. "Have you ever been tested?" I answer truthfully with a "No, but every chick I've slept with has and they come up clean". Then I decide to have a bit of fun with it. "However, my Mom has HIV and when I was born she transferred it to me; but don't worry, it's not full AIDS so it's really not thaaaat bad. I mean, I'm pretty healthy and everything."
The color drains completely from her face which has an expression that seems to scream oh fuck, I'm going to die. She ligitally thought she had contracted one of the world's deadliest diseases. I back it up with some more reasoning and keep this little prank going for a while holding back the laugh smorgasbord that I'm about to feast on.

After we go a little farther I tell her I was totally joking and how could the other girls have tested clean if it was true. After getting a few straight hard-as-hell punches (which is very unsafe to do to a person driving), she yelled at me for being a total prick and then was quiet for the rest of the drive.

Eventually, she thought it was kiiinnnnd of funny and we shared our laughs about the day filled with cum and foolishness.